I Am Still Thankful For You
by EldestSalvatore
Summary: It's the first Thanksgiving without his brother and Damon isn't having an easy time getting into the holiday spirit.


**Summary:** It's the first Thanksgiving without his brother and Damon isn't having an easy time getting into the holiday spirit.

 **Authors Note:** Seeing as I can relate to Damon on multiple levels when it comes to the holiday season I figured I'd use it to my advantage and create this one shot.

* * *

There had been a time where Damon had looked forward to the Holidays. His father had been a little less cruel granted he had forced him to eat his pet turkey Sammy. Still, even then there was this flicker of magic and it had been something he clung to. It had delivered him a sense of hope that one year whether it be Thanksgiving or Christmas it would actually mean something because he'd be spending it with that special someone.

Like a fool for so many years, he had allowed himself to believe it was Katherine. Eventually, reality showcased itself and showed Katherine's true colors. Those colors causing Damon to let that dream go. Most people embraced the holidays but he just dreaded them. They only served as a constant reminder of how lonely he was. Still, a small part of him had hoped to find a new dream and though it had taken over a century, he had found it; Elena.

Elena had been that dream. He pictured himself on Thanksgiving going around the table, holding her hand and saying how thankful he was to have her in his life. For Christmas he saw himself making a full yuletide effort getting a tree, decorating the Boarding House, snuggles together by the crackling fire and reveling in the joy on her expression as she opened one of his gifts.

Dreams like that, however, had to be put on hold. For reasons like; Stefan, Sire bonds, memory loss, Kai-Napped, Mom and a tone-deaf siren. For the longest time, he had deemed those dreams to be far within his reach. Now, here they were. Here, being the Boarding House as Damon kills the engine of his car and casts his attention towards what once had been home.

"Do we really have to be here?"

"It's the first holiday without Stefan."

Elena's voice causing him to turn his attention away from the house and back to her.

"Exactly"

"Caroline doesn't want to be alone. She wants to be with family which is why we need to be here."

He doesn't say anything. Her hand coming to rest on his across the dash. All he can do is give a weak nod and then he's slipping out of the driver's side closing the door behind him. He waits as she walks around the car and makes her way over to him. Her hand coming to clasp his own and it gives him the strength to allow his legs to carry him forward. His free hand grasping the door about to open it but then he's reminded this isn't his house.

Instead, he lifts his hand to the oak door and knocks against it. It takes a few seconds but eventually even without vampire hearing he picks up on the sound of footfalls. A second later the door opens and Damon's eyes widen. Blue eyes meeting green and he can feel his heart, his human heart about to beat out of his chest.

 _Stefan_

"Happy Thanksgiving"

That's not his brother's voice. This one is gruffer. Suddenly, the face changes and it's not Stefan who is standing in front of him, it's Alaric. Elena's hold on his hand releasing as she hugs the man who had become a father figure to her. He stands there witnessing the joy etched on her face as she embraces him and he wonders if he will ever feel that again.

"Happy Thanksgiving man."

Realizing the attention is on him he offers up whatever excuse of a smile he can give.

"You too, good to see you, buddy."

Alaric and Elena are already inside of the house but Damon remains rooted to his spot. He's not a vampire, he doesn't need an invite but he needs to hear it. He needs to be told to come inside or else he'll just stay out here.

"Well come on in. It's nippy out there."

Just like that, Damon's feet crossing the threshold as he's flooded by the memories.

' _No place like home for the holidays'_

The Christmas song taunting him as it plays in his head. Clearly, Perry Como had never been in Damon Salvatore's shoes. If he had, he'd have known how difficult it is for Damon to be here because even though his brother isn't here he's haunted by his memory.

* * *

"Before we eat I think we should go around the table and just say what we are thankful for."

Once Damon had wanted exactly this. His eyes flicking towards Elena. Now, he wanted anything but this. This hadn't been the Thanksgiving he had envisioned. It's smaller. He had figured the dining room table would be put to good use since it could sit so many. Instead, it only sat four.

 _Bonnie:_ Missing, somewhere halfway across the world. Finally, choosing herself for a change.

 _Jeremy:_ Spending it with friends

 _Matt:_ On patrol

 _Enzo:_ Dead

 _Stefan:_ Dead

Those that were living had promised to be here for Christmas.

"I'll go first."

Caroline's voice speaking up causing Damon to snap out of his dreary thoughts.

"I'm thankful for being surrounded by loved ones. Holidays are meant to be spent with the people you love. One of those people is missing."

He doesn't miss the way her finger comes to rub against her wedding band.

"I think about him every day. I miss him every second."

Even from where he's sitting he can see she's choked up and he feels nothing but guilt because he's the reason it's like this.

"But he wouldn't want me to cry. He'd want me to appreciate what's in front of me. My friends, my family, and my two beautiful girls. I know he's looking down on us happy to see we didn't choose to ignore this day but celebrate it instead."

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Looking down? Had she meant heaven? Ever since losing his brother he had been struck by the paranoia that he was in hell or someplace dark. Yes, he had made the ultimate sacrifice but even Damon knew that didn't come close to replacing all the sins committed. While the others went around saying what they are thankful for, most all the same he remains silent thinking and silently praying that his brother had found peace.

"Damon?"

Caroline's voice causing him to return to the present as he casts his attention over to her.

"Hm?"

"It's your turn."

"Pass."

"No everyone has gone; it's your turn now."

Huffing his annoyance. All eyes on him and he's wondering if he's sweating. His eyes glancing at the spread on the table before speaking up.

"I'm grateful for all the hard work that went into putting this lovely meal together. It all looks delicious and I'm looking forward to digging in."

Complimenting the chef, those who had helped and from the satisfied smile on Caroline's face he knows he did well.

"Let's eat."

Reaching for his fork until he glances over at Elena who gives him a reassuring smile. Her thumb stroking along his knuckles before releasing her hold so that she can eat. Lowering his attention over towards the plate in front of him. Attention lifting up and moving across the table finding a common theme. Everyone is eating and everyone is happy, except for him. He's on the outside looking in.

* * *

"Hey"

He's standing in the parlor room looking at the roaring fire. He has a tumbler in hand. Glancing towards the doorway he spots Elena.

"Hey back."

"I just wanted to check in on you."

A shadow of a smile displaying how well she knows him. How she knows this is hard on him.

"I'm hanging in there."

Nodding her head as she makes her way closer to him.

"The dessert is about to be served."

"Yeah, I'll be there in a second I just need to go get some air."

"Want me to join?"

"Nah, you go ahead. I'll be there in a bit."

She eyes him for a moment before pressing her lips against his cheek and then taking her leave. As soon as she leaves Damon's attention fixes around the room. He could tell bit by bit Caroline had been moving some things out and into her new place. This Boarding House would soon become a Boarding School for gifted individuals. She had been taking her time but he could understand. She didn't want to leave. This place held memories for her too, it held Stefan and she wasn't ready to give that up just yet. Had Damon not been kicked out by his own mother he would have locked himself away here after losing Elena. He would have kept himself in his room, lying in bed and getting lost in her scent. Anything, to feel her presence he would have clung to. That's what Caroline was doing. Little by little, she's trying to move on because that's the cruel thing about the world. Even when you lose someone, the world still spins madly on.

He's staring at the _S_ of the Salvatore family crest above the fireplace. Feeling as if it's mocking him and reminding him he's the last remaining Salvatore out here. It had been the Salvatore Brothers. Now, it was just the Salvatore brother. No, now, it was just Damon. Yeah, he needed some air.

* * *

That air had been snatching a bottle of bourbon, getting inside of his car, and heading deep into the woods which would lead him towards the Salvatore crypt.

"You'd be proud of Caroline. She's a trooper. She's really hanging on. It's probably because she has the girls who depend on her and she can't be putting her life on pause."

His attention trained on the letters of his brothers name elegantly carved into the stone.

"We went around the table saying what we are grateful for. Everyone said family, loved ones but I said the food because what the hell am I even grateful for huh?"

Lifting the bottle to his lips, tipping his head back and taking a pull from it.

"Grateful that my brother once again went behind my back and sacrificed his life...grateful that I get to live every day with this damn burden of knowing I'm the reason why Caroline is a grieving widow...grateful that I-I experience this guilt because the good brother was taken instead of the bad one."

The last part of the sentence causing his voice to crack and eyes to well up.

"Dammit, these emotions. Something else I'm supposed to be grateful for being human again."

His tone dripping with sarcasm as he takes another pull from the bottle.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wanted this life...but I wanted you in it...I didn't want this life at the expense of yours."

Eyes starting to sting because he's furiously blinking away tears reusing to let them fall. Giving into the frustration he feels he draws his hand back and throws the bottle watching as it shatters. Overwhelmed by guilt when he spots what's left of the liquid run down the stone. Heading straight over to it he takes the sleeve of his shirt and hastily drys what he can off.

"I'm sorry"

Going back and forth between resentment and despair. Still, getting used to trying to keep his emotions in check.

"So when you said you were going to get some air I figured that was a second outside not a trip here."

Had he been a vampire still he would have picked up on the sound of her footsteps crunching beneath the leaves. Whipping his head up to look at her as she enters the crypt.

"I'm sorry I ju-just I wanted to see my brother."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"I tried Elena. I'm trying to keep myself together and get into the holiday spirit but I'm failing miserably."

Walking over towards him as she comes to frame his face into her hands.

"No one is expecting you to. Damon, you're allowed to miss him."

The warmth of her touch causing Damon to lean in.

"What about hating him? Am I allowed to hate him?"

"Yes. You can hate him, resent him but at the end of the day all that hate is really love."

'Love' the term causing Damon to slip from her touch as he turns around and takes a seat on the cobblestoned bench in front of the tombstone.

"As a human, he ripped away my freedom of choice. He forced me to become a vampire because he tempted me with blood. Something a newly turned vampire can't resist. I promised him an eternity of misery and for so long I delivered. I thought he had learned his lesson but he didn't. He ripped away my choice again. Of wanting to sacrifice my own life to save everyone else, including him. My death as a human had been meaningless because I had thought I was dying for love...this death would have been meaningful because I would have died for the people I love. He just beat me to it."

Elena hesitated for a moment before coming to take a seat beside him. She's silent and he can tell she's considering her next words.

"You can spend the rest of your days hating him but that seems exhausting and by doing so you're not enjoying life. Your brother gave up his life for you Damon because he wanted you to live your life."

Her hand coming to rest atop of his.

"Don't let his sacrifice die in vain."

Glancing down at their hands, his fingers interlacing with hers. His attention remaining on their hands as he speaks.

"We didn't have the best relationship. We fought, hurt each other, did things in spite of each other and tried to prove who was the better brother. Yet behind all that there was still something good, still moments where we acted like brothers. We fought like dogs but at the end of the day I'd give up my life for him."

"Stefan and you had a lot of differences. How you chose to handle situations and how you reacted in certain moments. You pretty much were polar opposites but there's one thing you both had in common."

Damon's brow arching up silently telling her to continue.

"You loved each other to the point that you'd choose each other over yourselves. You can be mad at Stefan but what he did wasn't selfish, it wasn't for his own personal gain he did it for the love of his brother."

Allowing Elena's words to sink in. Lifting her hand to his lips and pressing a kiss along the back of her hand.

"Thank you."

"That's what I'm here for."

Smiling at her as his thumb runs along the band of her engagement ring. They still had a long while until saying 'I do' she wanted to complete her residency before walking down the aisle. He understood, he just had to ask so that he could have something good back in his life. Have that light return and he knew the only way to find that was through Elena.

"How upset was Caroline when she realized I bailed?"

"She wasn't. She understands and wants to be there for you the way we've been there for her."

He nods his head. Glancing back at Stefan's tombstone before turning to Elena.

"We should probably get back."

"There's no rush."

"I know but Blondie was right. Stefan would want us to be surrounded by our loved ones and though it's messy and broken it's still a family none the less. Our family. It's the least I can do for him."

Smiling at him as she gets up causing Damon to mirror the action but he halts his steps.

"Is it okay if I hang back for a second I just want to say goodbye."

"Of course. I'll be right outside."

Squeezing his hand and then releasing it. Walking over to the tombstone she presses her palm against it.

"Happy Thanksgiving Stefan. We miss you."

Just like that she's gone leaving Damon now alone with his brother.

"I lied earlier. I copped out when it was my turn but the truth is there is something I'm grateful for."

Flicking his attention towards where Elena had just left before turning his attention back to Stefan.

"I'm grateful that I'm going to make my promise to Elena I made all those years ago come true. I'm going to get to be her husband, partner and eventually father of her kids. As terrifying as it is it's also thrilling. I had experienced so many firsts as a vampire and now I get to do it again. I get to do things I wanted to do back when I was human but never had the chance to do. I'm not just human again, my story is beginning again and it's all because of you."

"I'm grateful to have you as my brother. Yes, I said have because you might not psychically be here but I carry you with me every second of every day. The good and the bad that I experience I'll still be turning to you to tell. The world will change but you being my brother? That's constant."

Taking a step forward he places his palm on the tombstone.

"I'm grateful to be loved by you."

Nodding his head and giving a weak smile.

"I have to go now. I promise I'll try to see this as a gift and not a curse. It won't be easy though but I'm willing to try for you. Don't worry, I'll look after Caroline. She misses you but then again we all do."

Patting the stone in affection and then stepping away as he starts to lead himself out of the crypt. Turning around once more.

"Happy Thanksgiving little brother, I'll see you soon."

Without another word, he exits the crypt. Each time he still finds it harder to leave. To turn his back on his brother but he finds his strength when Elena approaches and outstretches her hand to him. He takes it

He's grateful.

 **End**


End file.
